The Rules
Posted by boo_to_you
Date Posted: 06/23/2006

So I was home alone last night, reading scary stories(I know,not the smartest thing to do). When I finally got off, it was pitch black and I was creeped out. Then I heard noises upstairs, and I got freaked. But nothing happened,and eventually I calmed down.But it got me thinking. After some research, I have compiled this list.

The Rules (of how to survive a horror movie)
-Screen you Phone calls!
1. If you are a blond, kiss your a$$ goodbye.
2. Never split up if there are a lot of you.
3. If someone is missing they are probably already dead.
4. If you are a guy don't hang around with the women because they will get you killed by screaming when the killer is near.
5. If you are being followed by the killer don't stop and look around if he isn't in sight because he will appear behind you.
6. Never wander off while in bed with another person.
7. Never sleep with another person (only if there's a killer on the loose).
8. If someone is murdered and you are their friend, move away, very far away!
9. If someone is murdered never throw or go to a party (unless you are the killer).
10. If you think someone is in your house get out fast!
11. Never go to investigate a strange noise (it's a deathwish!).
12. Never assume the killer is dead so don't try to be brave and see if he/she is dead or alive.
13. When a killer is chasing you, never run upstairs.
14. If you're black and some white folks are murdered, get the ---- outta town (from Scary Movie).
15. If you're being chased by the killer and you know it, pick up the knife, not the banana.

Primary rules:
-If a little kid tells you there's a monster anywhere, believe them.
-Assume anyone stumbling toward you is not "alive".
-If you hear a strange noise, DO NOT CHECK IT OUT.
-Don't go anywhere alone
-DO NOT SPLIT UP
-If there's a story/legend/rumor about the place you're at... it's true.
-No matter how crazy a story sounds... that's true too.
-Don't assume anything is fake.
-Don't run upstairs unless there are things outside.
-Don't let anything bite or scratch you.
-If you deal with zombies, cut off their head. Shoot them in the head.
Anything to the head.
-If you can help it, don't be black. Anyone black will die, unless it's a black female.

Secondary rules:
-If you have sex, there is a 50% chance you'll be killed in the act.
-If two bad guys are fighting each other, RUN THE HELL AWAY. Don't stay and watch.
-Wear comfortable shoes. No more tripping.
-If possible, keep a loaded gun on you.
-Do not park in mud, make sure you have a full tank of gas, and replace the transmission ahead of time.

And last but not least:

-Make friends with the prime suspect. He isn't the killer. The most innocent person in the group is the psycho.


Don't answer the door.
Don't hide in the closet.
Don't just stand there.
Don't go back in the house.
Don't trip.
Don't answer the phone.
Don't ask, "Who's there?"
Don't say, "I'll be right back."
Don't have sex.
Don't drink or do drugs.
And never, ever, under any circumstances,
SCREAM.

Thanks,hope it helps!

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